lovestruckdemon

Hey

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 11:30:32 GMT

hey everyone this is going to be short entryjust to tell you i am home and safe sort, the sorta part is because i am sicker that a rabid thee legged dog. i will update later about the trip itself right now i am almost over my cold or flue amand just tired and need a lot of sleep off and on. its a good thing too, because my mother and grandmother were all for taking me to the hospital because they were both fairly convinced that i had the swine flue, i tell you you get a few major deases when you are young , have a mojor allergic reaction to chiken pox and after that every time i sneeze i am toldabout a dozen major sicknesses it could be, any way the trip was fun and i had a good time, though no hookers, even though there was a booklet full of choices in my room, to cowardly to call thoug, well i am getting tired again so i will up date the finer detail later, oh,l lendsey you were right i love fling on the way back we went through thick cloud cover but sense we were above it it looked like a sea of white with little mountains and cool shapes it was awsome although on the way to las vegas i almost threw up but that was probably just nerves. well seeya guys later.

Las vegas

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:42:31 GMT

this sucks, i am going to las vegas on monday until thursday which does not suck the part that sucks is that i have to ride the missle of death that everyone else calls a plane, i have never been on a plane but i a sure i am going to hate every secound of it course it is a hour and a hlf long ride. long enough for me to get thoroughly drunk while on the plane i wonder if it is possible to get pass out drunk in about a minute that would be great, my grand mother says that i can have some of her zanx but i do not think she will have a big eough bottle. anyway let me talk about something else before i sweat through my clothes. i am going to vegas with my grand mother twin brother little rother and his girlfriend who is five moths pregnant with his son. it should be fun me and my little borther are going to try and get my brother steven laid sense he his going to bagdad iraq in april for a year and none ofus would want him to die a virgin. i plan to drink and gamble a lot maybe mess with some of the hard core gamblers and see if i can get them to throw a tantrum that hopefully will end with me some where burried in sand under a cactus in the desert, ooh that reminds me cactu juice is supposed to cause hullicinations i wonder if there is a drug trade for it . i don't really have anything else to say sense we are going to wing it when we get there so i will leave of here and probably update again friday if i don't forget or am not dead. seeya

WHAT THE FUCK

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 17:28:19 GMT

all right i had to go through a lot of trouble to get a computer so i could post, now suvaana explain youself and it had better fucking be good.

kk lets be chatty

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 14:56:45 GMT

All right i have nothing to do right now until grandmother wakes from her nap . then me and her will go get the samll house essential and then i move in for good to my apartment. so sense i have nothing to do until then i guess i will just describe my new home to you all because ijust know you are all dieing to hear about it. although if their are any theives or brigands who see this i should tell you i have nothing to steal that woul really make it worth your while to steal from me and subsequentially memorize my house blue prints, unless of couse you like a lot of books and a stone demon vs angel chess set. any way the building is a three story number with the first two floors brick and my place a wooden box sitting on top course there is a couple right next door so it is a shared box on the roof, maybe if the girlfriend is hot i can listen to them have sex and it can be my blind porno, tehee, course if they are old and warting it cold be my foulest night mare i have not met anyone in the building yet even though there are seven other people livving there and apparently i am not the only one on ssi. okay enough about other people lets get back to ME and MY apartment. okay you go in the front door the promptly shut it because you cannot get to the bedroom when it is open , all right close door put your backto the door and onyleft one big step you have entered the bedroom which has a bed already in it and a couple of dressers a full closet and a little thing they call a storage closet, also there is a night stand a lamp already in there , it also has regular lighting which is not important but i thought i would tell you anyways allright that is it for the bedroom now take two and a half big steps down the hall way turn left take another step and two your riht is the bathroom which is complete with bathtub shower toilet and sink a little crowded but i have seen smaller if you look to your left you will see a hall closet take another step or two foward and you are in a decent sized livving room with a tabel and futon and a couple of lamps the ceiling is kend of low but it just a little over foot over my head wich means i can toch it but i do not really have to try and reach i. now if you take a stepin immediately two your left is the door way to the kitchen which is full stocked with every thing but a dish washer and can opener. it has a stove toster oven microwave fridge and a small two seater table and two chairs . and that my friends is the apartment that the great mathew has rangled for himself with no helpp but from granny who was my eyes on the web and who helped me make the down payment but sense i am required to pay her back i don't really countthat as other than helping me get the money right now. oh the only probblems i have are of couse the electric an the fact that it is on the thrid floor which means i have to climbe three storys of the most uneven and rickety stair case in illinoes to get any where i need to go and the laundry facility is in the basement and there is only two for the whole building and they are a dollar to wash and a dollar to dry but then again my mother will probably want to use them and i can just make her do mine while sh does hers. teehee i am an evil genius, i am a little concered with bordom and the fact that my flow of cigerettes will start to decline but every one says i stay in the house to much anyway and that ineed to quit and maybe this will help until of course i can get my own computer slash internet. well anyway i can feel carpo tunnel in my wrist so i should go i will probably not up date or even see updates for a whle so goodluck to you all, oh put your numbers on this journal and when i get a track phone of my ow, again could be a while, and i will call you guys when i get the chance seeya

YAY YAY YAY

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 03:23:01 GMT

I HAVEMY VERY OWN APARTMENT ALL TO MY SWEET SLEF!!!!!!!!!!!!
So yeah i just finishhed geting an apartment with furniture already there and real hot water that lasts mre than three sexounds it will be grat, all of you who are living on your own i do not wan to hea about the crusheing wait ofbills yet i already know but i finally have a place of my own and it feels great now i can actually invite grls somewhre, couse i sort of need to find girls but that is only a slight hitch, all right i am on the third floor in tis kind of widows peek looking thing it is pretty big for the asking price all the rooms are seperate and and i have a full kitchen i will unfortuately probably be out of contact for at least a couple of months sense it will be alittle bit before i can afford anything other than the dollar laundryfacility but do not despair know that your fear less leader is having a great tie pretending to be n adult for a few months the only real prbblem right now that i can see is the electric because i let mother use myname and she got so high that she just quit using it lucky liheep will HOPEFULLY help with that but sene the exact same day i get my apartment two tornadoes go swirling around springfield i wonder if i should take that as a bad omen, nah they sa only beleif gives omens power of reality. well that is all for now except I HAVE AN APARTMENT all girl friends are aloud for a house warming leave the boys at home though LOL seeya

i feel pissy

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 09:16:58 GMT

i feel pissy so i am just going to list a buchof stuff that irritate annoys,f

an or just plane pisses me of. most are political some are personal.

people who think brok obama is not a citizen of u.s.a aka birthers

people who actually think that shouting and squealing like a stuck pig in a public speaking for mat will change some thing that the public does not even vote fo,, like health care and such things like it.

people who actually beleive the totally insane things they say like birthrs an death pannels or naditory sex changes, come on people are you even listening to yo ingnorant no dobt basterd self

i hate all religious groups and especially their zealots not only are they all creepy but most are hypacrtical or just plane stupidand cannot any one thk for themselves or do they need a buch of other vacant eyed conformists chanting psalm with them to feel the presence of god.

all people who thin that color, race, ethniicity, sexual preference, or even religion or nationallity actually matter even one little bit

men and women who cower at the feet of some onethey conside strong begging for help or safet, i am all for protecting what is prectious or simeply unable to do it for themselves but i would still feel disgusted to help some who cowes instead of standing with me.

hmmm i cannot think of anything else right now, except that i should tell you yes i know there arelot of mistakes no i did not feel like changing tem i am currently in the middle of a three day long migrane and looking at the screen hurts also migranes piss me off.

bored

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:24:27 GMT

i am bored so i might as well update sense i have not done so in a while. nothing really new with me at all, my brother steven is starting to under stand all the vehicle mantance stuff they are trying to teach him not that it will do him any good out side military issued cars and or police vehicles, but it is teaching him something so it might turn out for the good, my grandmother is terrified that he will go on active duty because she is the one who pushed him the hardedst to join and if he dies she will feel it is her fault, witch is kind of funny sense if he had not gone he would be a useles as i am currently. speaking of grandmother's she just found out that she is diabetic which is hallarious sense she loves cookings and cinnamon rolls and a buch of other sweets though it has not really stoppped heryet, i think the only way she will stop with the sweets comp,etely is if she puts herself in a diabetic comma, or close enough that it will scare off. my little brother tony is in alittle bet of trouble because a friend of his who is a girl is using him to get over her bad break up which is fine i guess as long as itstays at the talking and sometimes flirting ewith each other stage but every one thinks that he is going to cheat on his babies mama so my sister and mother are trying to guilt him away from her his girl friend says she doesn't care but she is a really closed off person so it is hard for some people to figure it out, i do not know what she is thinking but i am cureious why my mother and sister are being so bitchy about the whole thin, specially sense tony is a real rebel and will do the complete oppiste of what every one else wants him to do if they all would just shut up and let him make his own decisions i am sure nothing would hapen he just likes to talk and flirt with girls which everyone knows, but no every one is trying to push him intoa corner which i will be suprised if it turns out good. well that is all for now seeya.

grandma dating service?

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 14:24:07 GMT

alllright here is somethig weird that you can all giggle to yourselves about, my grandmother is being very persistant ingetting me a date, she keeps trying to get me on dating websites and telling me about people she knows that are my age, this would be the only time in my life that she has acted like a traditional grandmother and it is starting to weird me out. she has even suggeste on more than one occasion that she would take me to decater to see suvaana for the day, now she really wants me to go because she ha the impession that the decater celebration is a romantic date or something to that effect, course this is even weirder when you consider she was justtelling me that i needed to get out of thepast and go forward, though i wouldn't really call talking to a girl sparadically and fr not very long evn if i used to dte her living in the past, hell the way that part of my life is going i would be incrdibly surprised if i even got ahold of her in time to ask, and frankly i am not really sure i want to any more. i am 21 now far to old to go chasing after girls like som testosterone pumped teen if she really wants somthing to happen she can make an effort on her own. besides if i had my druthers i would much rather pick the girl out myself all the people my grandmother knows are pretty snooty and pretty old . i just fear that one day i will wake up to her telling me that she has created an account on match.com or something equally as vile, then again t.j. got married to girl he met on te web and the last i heard they were having children so i guess it was okay , but i still don't thinki would like it very much. anyway that is my current life aren't you envious? seeya

bored update

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 10:43:53 GMT

man i am bored cannot seem to find anything in the least at five in the morning to perk my interest so i guess i will gab on here for a minute or two then go back to searching for the anime or what ever on the web that might interest me for a couple of days. so my grandmother has decided that she is moving and that i am coming with her wich works out great for me because she has cheaper rent that my mother and i can just tell girls i bring home that i am taking care of her so she doesn't get hurt or be too lonely, girls love sentimental crap like that, or so i have been told. i am looking forward to having my own room and a bed again, not real sure seriously how i feel about living with granny but it cannot be worse than staying with y mother and she is not planing on moving for little while so i can get used to the ide. though i am not sure how it would be different thn what i do now except for some reason it feels different all well i'll leave the pscho babble to the psychs, though i am not sure why she wants to move she says it was the guy next door but she has never really had an encounter with him so it is kind of odd but all well she is an old women , they like there peace i guess, welll i guess i will go now,mainly because i have nothing else i am willing to let other's know, except does anyone else hate being the dirty little secret. as well as being seriously confused. I do! ahhh all welll who gives a damn anyway seeya.

i hate drug addicts

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 14:43:18 GMT

Iif anyone ever calls me again and i am not here just call the cunty jail and askfor the psycho killer, i swear, early this morning about three or so my next door nieghbor decided to comeover and spray pest aside all ovr the yard, sure that there were bugs coming from my grandmothers house into his own, which just is not true my mother's house would have tons of bugs but my grandmother would move before she let one cock roach live in her house let alone enough to spray pest aside out side. which is fine fr him i guess but then he decided to start knocking on my door and tell me about the benefits ofthis prticularly good pest aside which i listened to then he just stood there twitching and starig at me so i told hime togo home i was getting ready to go to bed, alie. he said that i tought i was slick trying get rid of him, true. anyways a buch of stuff happened later with him comign ito the house after went in to go t the bathroom finally sense he was being harmless i called the police to have him taken back to his own house to sleep off the crazy, coue then he decided to try and break the door by knowcking overly loud and yelling something about me wronging him then i quite firmly made it clear if he did not leave i would break every bone in his body, and to mysurprise something made him scurry rather hurriedly back to his house, i forgot to tell the police tht part aslong as my grndma, my language and displayprobably would have gotten me in trouble with bothth of them.any ways i am curiouswhat he will do tonight, because i wll not show mercy and let the cops handle it, they are much t gentle it should be fun well we shall see i almost hpe he does i have a lot of recent frustration to get out of my system, mutilating iwaste of breath like him sould prove theaputic. seea maybe.

pathetic

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:44:34 GMT

okay i am wasting time until my little video site allows me back in, I really hate mega video, but if ;you cannot find something on veoh or youtube it will more than likely have it. any way i am wasting time so igues i will tell you a pethetic secret about myself today. i find i am horribly addicted to romance books and anime shows. which is bad enough because i am supposed to be a guy, but i get so jealous of these things and their little drama's i wish so bad that i could be in one of these little drama's or more specifically i wish i had any knd of real drama or romantic interest in my life, couse it is quite possible i do, but how the hell am i supposed to know if there are any GIRLS out there who feel that strongly about me. Jeez listen to me i sound like a total skirt. i seriously need one date at the very least going nearly four years with very little female interaction is starting to drive me insade, look at me i am trying tolive love life in fictional charecters, sigh, pathetic.

survery boredom

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 05:42:06 GMT

1.This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
yes, sir or ma'am

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
that would be my mom, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, and i already have her last name.

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
no, my ribs hurt like hell and my arm was numb.

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
my mother about ten minutes agao.

5. Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
my step dad has his moments, but generally no.

6. Listening to music?
no.

7.What are you excited for?
boobs, books, boobs, and anime.

8. What were you doing yesterday?
don't really remember my life as of right now gets pretty monotanous.

9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
my paternal grandmother, not the gay one.

10. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
cigerette, want a puff?

11.Do you have a best friend?
i guess not right now, unless you count twin brothers.

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
yeah, but only because i am not sure if the other person is leading me on or if i am seeing the wrong signs.

13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
yep

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
little brother tyler.

15.What time is it right this second?
11:46

16. What do you want right now?
a good roll in the sack, but i will take a turkey roast beef with lettuse and tomato and mayo.

17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
my brother steven in kentucky.

18. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
single, confused.

19. When was the last time you cried?
i am not sure it has not happenedin quite a few years.

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
average american one i would guess.

21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
i do not know i have never trusted anyone persay but i do find some people more predictable then others.

22. How fast does your mind change?
pretty quitckly.

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
umm. okay, that is not a question. so ummm fuck off.

24. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
yes dr. phill i can say i am okay.

25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
fun, something new, lonelyness, revenge, wanting to end something with out saying the words ther as many reasons as there are grains of sand get over it.

26. Tell me what's on your mind?
that would be both R and XXX rated and i do not feel like explaining.

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
job, college, though i do not really look to the future as more than abstract concepts.

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
do girl jeans count.

29. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
about four months ago.

30. When is your next road trip?
don't know don't care.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
no,

32. How's your heart?
pumping, what else would you expect dubass.

33. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
i am always important to myself, but i have felt that other do not think that i am so.

34. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
no

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
watching anime

36. Next time you will kiss someone?
how the hell should i know?!

37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
no, geez man what is with all the love questions, why don't you get your own lover andstop asking about my non existant one.

38. Who do you not get along with?
nobody that i currenty know.

39. What does your third text on your phone say?
do not own acell, rich boy or girl.

40. What are you wearing right now?
jeans flannel shirt.

41. You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
awk ward. not sure who she is.

42. When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
two days ago.

43. What's your fave boy and girl name right now?
fave boy , apollo, fave girl , sakura or sango, first means cherry blossom second means coral.

44. How did you feel when you woke up?
tired.

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
no

46. Do you crack your knuckles?
constantly

47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
watching anime.

48. What are your LEGAL initials?
MTH.

49. Who's the first B in your contacts?
do not won a cell, fuck off.

50. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
not sure .

51. If your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
tried, didn't work

52. Last awkward moment?
farted in the middle of a ceramony nextto a hot mom.

53. Are you afraid of the dark?
not the dark, just alone i am fine out side with trees and animals all around me, it is alone and silence that messes with my head.

54. Do you have good vision?
no.

55. Have you ever tripped someone?
lots of times.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
no, but i have punched a lot of people.

57. Are you Irish?
one quarter

58. Do you use chap stick?
Nope

59. Do you have any scars?
Yep

60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
nope

62. Name the last person to text you?
fuck of.

63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
if she was hot and loaded, but also if i fell in love love itself has no age limits.

64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
i have never cared what others think of my looks.

66. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
none, i sleep on a recliner.

67. Whats the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
pinch myself.

68. Do you fall for people easily?
i lust easily but love is not something i have an easy time with.

69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
no

70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
only when i am bored.

71. Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
i have been told that i am loved but no one has ever come up to me and said that they wer IN love with me.

72. Song You're thinking of right now?
not sure the title but it is by disturbed

74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
more like the exact same.

75. What’s the color of the shirt you are wearing?
don't know i am color blind

76. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
no. unless you count happy bithday.

77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
yes.

78. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
ofcouse unless they are tupid.

79. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
naturally happy.

80. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
yes.

bored

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:47:17 GMT

let me see what should i talk about? oh, my grandmother has a date, though she says it isn't one. i say if two gay girls go out even if one has a girlfriend it still counts as a date after all if a guy and a girl were out and bout and one of them was dating someone you would still count it as an affair even if it is an emotional one. all well all this means is that i get the house to myself for a couple of hours. yay me. well that is it for me except that my little brother tony's girlfriend went to the baby doctor yesterday and yes she is indeed pregnant. which s just funny because that means there is a possibility of this kid being the smae age as one of his aunts and that also means they could o to the smae school and that is just hilarious. ta ta for now.

okay i am awake

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:38:48 GMT

well actually i woke up at about one this morning but i have gotten bored enough to finsh my update of the trip.. all right on wednesday we left a little late because i was starving but then we got on the road and made it about ten miles out of springfield before my mothr needed a cig break and then my grandmother who had quit for the last two months decided to start up again sense the driving was stressing her out . after that it was pretty boring except that i made the mistake of teaching my little brother tyler the semi honking game, when we finally made it in to kentucky around four we got promptly lost because no one noticed that we drove right past the hotel so we had to search for a coulde of outs until my grandmother flirted with three od men to get dirrections back to the hotel i went swimming it was fun except that the pool was shallow and warm. went to bed kind of early that night because i had been up for like fourty eight hours with a three hour break. thursday we woke up early got to the base got yelled at by the MP for not haveing a seat belt on and my id was expired which i just noticed when i was looking at it on the way to the bas. the ceremony would have put the borg to shame with all the unison walking and speaking they did it was CREEPY me my brother afterwards i am still taller than him even though he now wears combat boots, LOL . we went to a mall and ate out and did a bunch of stuff that would take way to long to type up, but i will tell you this i beat him at arm wresting and regular wrestling i even had to let him win because he was sarting to get real discouraged, but i will say this i did have to try myhardest to win and i have never done that with anyone even the fight i lost , so the training is paying off. also he did have this anoyiing habit of correcting my standing and sir and maming everything he even accidentally sired me. LOL. welll i got to go now i will write again soon seeya.

I am back

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 00:35:13 GMT

wel i am back from my trip, sad to say that my dry spell is still going strong, but all well i don't really like the whole one night stand thing anyways. i ate a ton of food including at a mexican restraunt, wich i hate, though i was able turn the food they gave me to an asian dinner by removing pepers and the letuce and tomatoes. it was pretty good after that. I also got to drink a little. it was pretty good. i also got to go swimming it was pretty humbling when i learned my endurance is pethetic. but all well i still got to go swimming. spent all day thursday hanging out with steven that was cool even better i can still beat him at arm wresting , i will blog more later i am tired right now and want to sleep. oh, before i go i am possibly going to be an uncle thanks to my litle brother tony and his girlfriend.

it is official

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 05:22:40 GMT

My eldest little bother is wipped as hell. which means being wipped by women is genetic or something. i say thisbecause even though my brother wants to go on the trip with us tomorrow his girlfriend won't let him take the time off work to come with us. even though she and her sister who live with him both have jobs of their own, so it is not like they would be strapped for cash or anything if he did miss his work for a couple of days. he works for sutton'swhich i you don't know is basically an all around house repair/construction company, anything to do with a house they do. i guess he makes good money and all but i think it has to do with the fact that he royally screwed his bank acound and spent the last two checks paying it off and actually he still owes me fifty bucks because of it so maybe they want him to rebuld their cash cusion but it seems a bit much to stop him from seeing his brother who he hasn't seen in the last five or six months. i am not really sure . time flies when you are enjoying the bliss that is his absents from my life, the fat basterd. to bad to it would have been less embarrasing to go to the bar with him thatn with my mother who on this trip will now be older sister, thank god for teen mom's they are convinient. all well i am a little pissed off because even though i tried to fix my sleeping habits i for got that the longer i stay up generally menas the less sleep i seem to need i stayed up past 24 hours andonly managed to sleep for 3 hours before i woke up bright eyed and pissed off. i swer what is the point i shoudl have slep at least until 2 in the morning instead i wke up at eight thirty what a bitch this trip is going to be. all well i will have plenty to occupy my mind enough to stay awake tomorrow. hopefully then i can get the sleep i need that night and balance will be restored . well peace for now bitches.

yahoo swimming

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 01:22:12 GMT

I finllly after about two years can go swimming once more, we are going to a holiday inn when we go to kentucky on wednesday and i only have to be with steven on thrusday that means i get two days of swim time. yahoo, couse this aso means that i am now trying to change my sleeping pattern back to the normal persons sleep schedule which to put it bluntly FUCKING SUCKS, but it is worth it for just the chance to swim. couse it would be even better if my old bitty of a grandmother would let me drink while i am out, but all well i will get mom to beg her for us. oh, yeah i got some new swimming trunks they are real silky and make me feel sexy, LOL as if i could be anything else. well that is it for now, maybe when iget back i will be celebrating the end of my dry streak, though i doubt it.

I have a goal!!!!

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 03:53:29 GMT

let me first state that everything i say is oof now hope and dreams, but i have never felt this excited for anything before. I am planning on going to a athropolgy college in hawii mainly because it is cheap enough and to be honest different enough that it has actually causght my interest. next week if my brother decides that he does not want to come with me i will have to start everythin on my own and it will probably take me about a year to pay off my debts enough that a new life and career will be plausible, but let me tell you nothing has ever felt this right before i want to go with all my body and soul, and i will not let anything drag me back from this absolutely nothing. i want this and i couldn't care less what other's would say such as family, i will go and i will get what i want for once.

survey says

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 09:40:16 GMT

1. First grade teacher's name: hell if i should know, but i do remmember her face.
2. Last person you kissed: i either do not remember or do not remember her name, one of thos.
3. Last word you said: bitch, at the computer that shut down in the middle of something
4. Last song you sang: hummed tunelessly
5. Last person you hugged: sarah, when i was embarassing her in fromnt of her friends.
6. Last thing you laughed at: a guy getting his ass kicked after falling into an out door hot spring full of naked girls, LOL
9. What socks are you wearing: legitamate black
10. What's under your bed: don't sleep in a bed i sleep in a recliner chair, and nothing that i know of.
11. Current status: um...bored?
12. Current taste: rasberry nutrigrain bar
13. Current hair style: inch long
14. Current clothes: checkered long sleeve shirt, jeans
15. Current Job: being blind
16. Current longing: to be something more than what i am.
17. Current desktop picture: don't know, don't really pay attention or want to look right now.
18. Current worry: that i am not enough.
19. Current hate: intolerence, i am intolerant of intolerence, LOL.
20. Story behind your name: my mom was high on pain killers and spelled it wrong and thought it was funny.
21. Current favorite article of clothing: my black leather nikes.
22. Favorite physical feature(s): me in all my glory .
23. Last CD that you bought: stained, or slipknot.
24. Favorite place to be: at granma;s.
25. Least favorite place: at mom's.
26. Time you wake up in the morning: 2 or 3 in the afternoon.
27. If u could play an instrument,what whould it be: violin or any horn instrument.
(Where’s 28?) i do not know.
29. Current favorite word/saying: i like well placed cuse words.
30. Favorite book: it would be easier if i said quthor's instead, jim butcher, tamora pierce, j.k rowling are my top three with quite a few that i cannot remeber right now.
31. Favorite Movies: the underworld movies the fast and furious movies, all will smith action movies, leathal weapon movies and sword fish but only because holly berry is naked in it . batman movie ironman movie. and a few others that i cannot think of right now.
32. Favorite Songs: do not know titiles only artists, smashing pumpkins, metalica, ozzy ozborne, disturbed, godsmack, slipknot stained, snoop dog, lil white, m and m, any genuin classicatl music. toool, rehab, nickle back, green day .
33. Favorite Sport(s): swimming, bowling, foot ball.
34. One person from your past you wish could be here now: all my friends
35. Favorite day(s): when i am actually doing SOMETHING.
36. Where do u want to go: japan, egypt, greece, rome, and africa.
37. What is your career going to be: something in archeology right now but that could change.
(Where’s 38?) i do not know. damnit
39. *grumble* don't look at me.
40. A random lyric: ash to ash dust to dust fade to black but the memory remains.

41. Eye Color: blue
42. Hair Color: dishwater blonde
43. Righty or Lefty: Righty
(Where’s 44?) i told you i do not know damn.
45. Zodiac Sign: fish goat, capricorn
46. Innie or Outtie: Innie

DESCRIBE...

47. Your heritage: mainly german and irish, with a hell of a lot mixed like native american and what ever other euro 'ss there are.
48. The shoes you wore today: black leather low top nikes
49. Your hair: see above dumb ass.
50. Your weakness: instant gratification
51. Your fears: to be proven inferior
52. Your most recent secret?: it's not a secret if i tell.
(Where’s 53?)find it yourself dmn fool.
54. Your thoughts first waking up: son of a bitch who tuned this stupid dating show on.
55. The first feature you notice in the opposite sex, i am a guy whot do you thin stupid , the figure then i look for the eyes.
56. Your bedtime: sense i am technically an adult i would say when ever i want . dah
57. Your most missed companion: octaivio, monyi, and t.j. oh and josh.
58. Your perfect pizza: all the meat you can fit on it.
59. Sweet and Chewy or Salty and Crunchy: sweet and chewy unless it it is popcorn. though i like kettle corn a lot.
60. Single or group dates: i like group dates when starting out, because i tend to screw things up when i am nervous .
61. Dogs or Cats: both have their draw for me.
62. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither i like real tea.
63. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate for everything but pudding.
64. Cappuccino or coffee?: french vanelle capuccino at cassey's are prtty good.

DO YOU...

65. Smoke: yes
66. Curse: hell fucking yeah
67. Sing: in the shower , but who doesn't?
68. Take a shower everyday: sommetimes twice, when i am bored or the ice queen has me shivering.
69. Have a crush: several.
(Where’s 70?) i am ignoring you now.
71. Think you've been in love: yes, but it seems that all teenagers think they are in love once or twice in their hormone hystaria.
72. Want to go to college: yes ad no, i really do not like being out of my comfort zone, and meeting new people is way out there.
73. Want more than what you got: it is rare to find anyone who would answer no to that question. i wish i could meet that person.
74. Want to get married: of couse, hopefully i will have gotten over my trust issues by then.
75. Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: occasionally, stupid question by the way.
76. Think you're attractive: don't really care. never really thought about it.
77. Think you're a health freak: no
78. Get along with your parents: mostly especially now i do not live with mother dearest.
79. Play an instrument: a little piano, very little.

IN THE PAST 3 months:

80. drink: yes, parent wedding
(Where’s 81?)........ignoring you sill...
82. Done a drug: does contact high from being in a care with four other pot smokers count.
83. Made Out: wish.
84. Go on a date: sigh...no
85. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: half a box of that would make me sick.
86. Eaten sushi: i would like to try that some day.
87. Been dumped: sorta
88. Made homemade cookies: i do not do women's work.
89. Been in love: fallin in love in the last three months no.
90. Gone skinny dipping: no i like my balls on the outside of my body.
91. Dyed your hair: No
92. Stolen anything: i've taken things without asking and i guess that is technically stealing.

HAVE YOU EVER..

93. Had too much to drink: don't remember, LOL.
94. Been caught cheating: yeah right like anyone could catch me. i have the perfect training manual at home .
95. Been called a tease: i think so, though it was fraised differently.
96. Gotten beaten up: only in fights with my step dad when i was yonger but i would not call that beaten up. more like restrained.
97. Changed who you were to fit in: no, who doesn't love me, and my personallity is usually pretty adaptible.
98. Cried at something beautiful: no i am a guy you pansy.
99. Spent too much money on something you didnt need?: Yes, but i reallly wanted it, see above weakness.
100. Cried when someone died?: no but i am starting to run out of branch family members so maybe it will come though i doubt with my veiwson such things.

SON OF A BITCH ANOTHER BITCH !!!

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 22:31:37 GMT

Damn all men whose sperm are a buch aof gabbing women . i cannot beleive this crap, my mother is haveing another girl, does anyone know fucking anoying it is to have sisters. they screech and they bitch and they are nothing but drama and that is just the goodsister the bad ones suck even more and i now have five sisters to freaking make my life a misery and if any of the are like sarah i am leaving the damn country and never looking back, fourteen years of that is all i can stand . on a different note if you have sight they have this really cool three D picture you can get now and it looks so cool because it is like they are out of thee wond with a black back drop . well that is all for now except DAMN my sep father and his rose petal seamon . basterd!!!

real update

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 09:14:11 GMT

lets see i have not made a real up date as of yet. so i am doing good so far, glad that some of my old friends are contacting me a little curious on why others have not. but them they probably have more important thngs to do right now. well let me see i have done nothing really worth talking about so i will skip to my family lets see dad iswell i really couldn't care less what he is doing right now other than hoping he is not any where near me, though i did see him at the cigerette shop today so i guess that can count for my visiting him for the month and i did not even have to listen to him lecture me about things i really realy rally do not care about, specially not from coke head child rape . all right next thing step daddy number 1 don't know don't care and that is not even being pissy i really do not understand why everyone gets so upset when someone leaves in your life even your main memorys are either him locking you in a treasurechest while he did certain immoral acts to his wedding vows or holding you down and paying your brother to hit you. that might sound like i have issues but i do not i just like bragging and showing that i had a hard life like other people . beign unique is my one true hope in life iit is why i like being blind and won't let anyone fix my teeth and hate my common name, i am a real egotist . LOL, I love me ! back to family, mother, she is the fatest she has ever been though to my disappointment she is not having twins, ithought that would be funny and really show her if was. but alas my fun and hopes are dashed all right now lets jut lump the eight brother and sisters all into onecatagory steven,twin, is about to graduate basic training and go down to maryland for personal traing on how to become a army vehicle mechanic, i get to go and mke fun of him in kentucky on the 11th when the grad ceremony will be held and he can use all that money he saved up to buy me what ever i want for a change instead of the reverse . sarah is, onlycurrent sister who can talk in really geto english words, she has refused to go to school or the last year so she is a 7th grade drop out and really getting onme nerves, but what are you going to do, tony oldest o the little bros is about to move into a new house with hiis girl and herster and mother he is doingfarely well for himself, i am jealous as hell and not just because his girl and her sister a pretty. tyler, still sucks at talking at the age of 9 but has some grasp of intelligence not much of a grasp but enough that e might not be retarded like i told mom he was, when i was trying to make her feel bad for attempting abortion through alchehole . elizebeth and isabelle my two youngest sisters are anoying lound and seem prone to violence, which ihave no idea where they get it from but they are alwasy hitting me with things when they are not trying to play cute and cuddleing up to me especially that littlest of divas isabella. is over a year now and still has verylittle hair which makes her look like a creepy alein chick . . and that brings me to JJ my adopted black brother who is two now, he has all the symptoms of being a dumbass who will probably kill himself i cannot tell you how many times he has made himeself sick while picking up thngs at random and dringthem like laundry detergent dish soap and bug and cigerette filled cans of soda, you would think he would learn caution already but he hasn't but on the bright side he is cute so maybe it will come in handy when he gets older. well my ass hurts and i have to do the dishes before granny gets home so i will leave with this. oh, yeah if this is harder to read than usual it would be because i have only had two hours of sleep sense saturday . seeya

hmmm

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Sun, 31 May 2009 05:38:44 GMT

i do not think that if i lived for more a 100 years with all of my mind i would ever truly understand the human race as a whole, even now theyare predictable little ants and i can make the more than likely correct theory on why they do the things they do, but i do not think i will ever understand. conformigng to one ideal or cause and then twisting i. conforming to one cause or idea that is already twisted doing what hurts or makes them miserable because sommeone told them that it was the way it should be, i just do not understand why another's opinon or idea should effect anothe individual let alone the masses that gathe to such flags. then again maybe i am the odd one out and the fact that i am a horse in the herdbut does not understand why we must all run in the same diirrection makes me the strange one. i also wonder how humans are so easily able to look at one thing and see another bombing of japan,justice, bombing of the world trade center, terrorism both are horrible and should not be done but why are they considered so radically different when they are so obviously not. as i said you will never undersand people . sorry if i make no sense just rambling with what ever thought pops in my head and of couse ii think i have add. ta ta for now.oh, p.s america considers france cowards and people you cannot depend on, but in world war II we did the same thing we tried to stay out of the war why are we not cowerds and undependalbe . aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa who cares i still have to live wih these people.

bored

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Wed, 27 May 2009 03:00:44 GMT

wel iam super bored and i have to wait an half an hour before i can continue watchingmy shows on this really annoying website that kicks you off evr seventy minutes for half an hour, so let me see what ca i riight abut to waste time. oh, i know i think it would be ratherinteresting to become a pirate, sure you might die or have to kill kids or hot girls and that would be sad but think o the ugly people you get to kill, LOL, no to mention te adbentures that would insue after wards, couse then again the pirate of today both seem stupid and rather pansy like, bring back black beard or lang john silver, i am awarehat silver was a book charater but still, i mean come on these people are being turned back by third world county military what ever happened o getting the gold a what ever cost, sigh, all well wha are yo going to do. oh, if any one ever sees a porno that ha the words squirt in it and it is not refering o the guy i advise you to run to thebathroom and shave your eyeballs out of yoursockets in case you might accentally see what that wil intail. i swear i was going to vomit that shouldno happen and i do not want an up close sight of it, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. well i guess that is all i can think of for right now. seeya

i will kill that BASTERD!!!!!

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Sat, 23 May 2009 22:17:32 GMT

i do not care that he, my twin brother steven, thinks that he is superior to me, which is of couse wrong all humans are as insects compared to my sel, but i wiltake him down to the point that he is begging to be a worm grubbing in the grass that i piss in. he thinks he can beat me up, he thinks me a failure in lif i will show him the meaning of tue despair when i see him i cannot wait to make him feel such pain that he will shudder at the implication that my name is about to be spoken no one is better than me and i will make him regret even considering let alone active saying that he is better than me . i look forward screaming with laughter when he begs for my mercy and then i will show him how to properly break a dog. nothing good happens to the masquito that bites at the face of a supior beeing , LOL then again may be i will just kick him in the nuts, Peace.

MY SISTER IS A DIRTY LITTLE WHORE!!

dhsvi80@dhs.state.il.us — Mon, 18 May 2009 00:16:48 GMT

i cannot beleive this shit, it sucs so bad i am seeig red my fourteen year old sister who is mean as hell controlling as no one else can be and has a mouth on her so foul that it wouldmake a trucker cringe and cover his ears for fear of being tainted is getting laid and i am not what the hel is this world coming to when abig ass loud moth like her can get laid and sweet innocent and kind me canot, itmakes no sense tome at all there is absolutely n justice in the world. couse it is easier for girlsto get some than guys but they hardly ever wantit and the nymphos are never around when you are single. i mean come ooonnn it has been lke close to three years for me, that is basically calling myself a virgin all over again and i do not even really remember that time and the girl before that was so drugged out most of the time that she does not remember most of the times with me and ta is basically saying they did not happen at all, well actually it means the whole relationship was a figment of my imagination sense i am the only one to remember the majority of it, but that is someting dfferent back to my little baby sis what the fuck how can she get laid by a guy who breaks up with her like once every two days, not an exageraton mind you, just to talk to other girls or to go out with them, i mean i did the same thing whe i was his age once, ad had it done to me twice but at least it only happened that few times in three years this dude has done it a bunch of times in one month and still has time to sleep with my sis what the hell is he doing to gt this many girls, the dude is a brute who even i have had to put down and almost never do tht becase his sort amuse me he is stupid as hell and he is a sucky but constant liar what the hell is going on wit the girls around the trailar park i mean i know the sterotype says they are stuppid but come on even a dog in heart shouldn't be giving thi guy half the tail he gets, son of a bitch i am pissed my only glimer of happiness now is to know that my twin brother i still a virgin at 21 and the fact tat he will be stuck on a army bas for some while yet with little to no prospect is my only salvation. will i am off now to drown my sarrows on internet porn peace